While you are reading this November post, I will have started my 3-month silent meditation retreat. All being well, I imagine that I will have had two weeks to establish myself in my Galiano Island shared home, meet with our sangha (Buddhist community), and set up my practice routines.
I will have settled into a time with few outside distractions and no digital connections, moving toward deep grounding and a calm mind. At least that’s my hope! I’m writing this in advance of being there, so I’m creating reassuring images, especially as I also feel some anxiety about entering the unknown and trusting my inner guidance that no matter what, all will be well.
Fears of the Unknown
The fearful part of me throws up many “awfulizing” scenarios onto the screen of my mind. Images of me deciding this retreat is just too much and asking to leave early. Suggestions that I will be overwhelmed by anxiety, unable to calm my mind enough to work with any meditation practice. Worries about my home and business will take me out of any disciplined routines. None of these are likely to happen, yet entertaining the possibility is enough to question my choice to disengage from the outside world for three months.
There are moments when I question my commitment to being away for three months. Anxiety rises at these times, and thankfully, reassurance can arrive in unexpected ways. This morning, I received support from the universe (aka Facebook):
Traditionally, the Buddhist path of meditation was divided into two sections. One was the section of calm abiding, of tranquility and peacefulness. After that, once the mind had become quietened down and more one-pointed, then one went into insight meditation, into looking into the mind itself. So, if the mind is very quiet, peaceful and centered, we can then give the space for things to begin to come up. That’s one of the reasons why it’s always suggested that if one is doing prolonged meditation, one has a teacher around.
Trusting My Teacher and the Path
I read this as an affirmation of my decision to spend three months with the guidance of my chosen teacher, Lama Mark. He is someone I have learned to trust over almost ten years of practice. When I asked Lama Mark how best to prepare for my retreat, he responded, “Come with an open mind and curiosity.” That advice sounds like a theme for how to approach writing and for life.
I keep discovering that writing has a mind of its own. This post, for example, was going to be about how sometimes, a writer has a deep experience and doesn’t yet have the words to share with others; this is not writer’s block. However, as I started working on this content, what showed up is more about Trust. So, I’m trusting that my experience of trust at this time is what I need to share with you today.
Trusting Your Writing Voice
I invite you to trust your writing voice, trust what is showing up in your written words, and follow the flow of the words emerging on the page. You can always edit later; do your best to follow the timed writing practice where you write without crossing anything out for at least ten minutes. Don’t read anything over for at least a few days, then go back and revise.
Be prepared to be surprised, because timed writing in this way bypasses the intellectual brain. Instead, the writing emerges from the body, where strong words and phrases reside. You might want to try doing 20 – 30 minutes of timed writing, just letting your pen move across the page without stopping.
Perhaps learning to trust my words emerging on the page is part of my spiritual path, as I trust my decision to enter a time of deep silence and practice. I trust that all will be well, no matter what happens next.
